Manners are intended to make everyone feel at ease. They're not meant to make anyone uncomfortable, but to help guide a social situation and make every guest feel at home. It seems to be a dying art, but it doesn't have to be!
Growing up, we always had our weekday dinners at the dining room table. My mother insisted that every day was a special occasion, so the good china and good silver were the everyday silver and china. As a child, it was my job to set all the places before dinner.
The same holds true for us at our house today. I have been fortunate enough to inherit a lovely set of Chantilly silver from my grandmother and a set of Royal Daulton china from my mother. It gives each meal a sense of importance, and sitting around the table ensures we have a dedicated hour to communicate, relax, and enjoy life together-- with no screens in front of our faces demanding attention.
We invited a couple over for a late Valentine's Day dinner at our house last night, and when preparing the table, our lady guest mentioned to me that she was nervous about setting her own table, and wanted to see how it was done. I'm going to show you how I set the table for two.
Silverware is used from the outside in. Salad fork outside the dinner fork, soup spoon outside the knife. When remembering what side to put the forks on, I always remember that I must reach over my plate and across my body with my right hand to pick up my fork when beginning to eat. The bread plate is placed above the fork. The napkin is placed on the outside of the forks, and don't forget to put it in your lap when dinner begins! When getting up from the table, do not crumple the napkin, only fold it once loosely, and set it back on the table near its original spot.
With drinking glasses, I break the rules a bit and put the water glasses directly above the knife. This is for ease of use when filling, which is more often than the wine glasses are filled (except for some nights...) I always keep a carafe of water on the table. If we're having more than one type of wine, the glassware also works outside-in. White wine would sit closest to the water glass, and red wine inside from that.
If having salad before the meal, place the salad plate directly on the larger charger/dinner plate. If having salad with the meal, the salad plate should go on the left side of the napkin. If having soup before the meal, the bowl should sit on the charger/dinner plate as well.
If having dessert at the end, all silverware and china should be cleared from the table. Fresh dessert spoons and forks should then be placed on the table, and dessert served. Also at this point, water should be refreshed (if it hasn't been already). The entire bus of the table between the main course and dessert is sometimes different from some methods of place setting, but it's something I learned while working at Emeril's Delmonico, and it works wonderfully. It de-clutters the table and promotes a bit more relaxation, as well as a break between the meal and dessert.
Always provide your guests with the option for coffee at the end of the meal, especially if they're driving! Cheers, and happy dining!
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